I HAVE GIVEN UP ON THE CHASE
Do not sacrifice who you are
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Life has been a roller coaster for me since 2000.
I have tried many things and failed at all.
Monetarily, I have paid a heavy price for living a life of passion.
Momently, I have enjoyed every single bit of it.
I am in my late thirties, and soon the 40s will dawn.
Despite the turnover of millions of dollars, I haven’t made a dime in profits.
Barely keeping my head out of the water, I am still in debt.
In debt to the banks and the people who love me and support me.
Life gave me many opportunities to survive.
To take jobs and anchor the ships into security out of fear.
I denied all of it.
My family offered me to join a booming construction business, which I refused to participate in.
I helped my family when in need, but I never sacrificed the dream to be in creative endeavours.
Twenty-five years have passed, and the dream is still alive.
In 2000, I set out on a journey to not only survive life, but live it.
No matter what and how long it takes, I have decided not to bend to the currents of adversity.
I enjoy the theatre of my stage, instead of putting on a mask of someone else.
I want to be successful. I want to be seen. And this urge, this will, will not subside with only monetary compensations.
I don’t want compensation for what I would have lost in life.
I want to earn a living doing what I am truly passionate about.
Life can mean many things to many people. My life can be seen from many different angles.
There is nothing conventional about anybody’s life.
If unconventional sexualities and relationships are deemed to be unnatural, there is nothing natural about monogamy either.
It is the nature of nature to grow. And it will find ways to grow regardless of what you label those channels of growth.
I don’t label anything, and I allow myself to be controversial and contradictory.
It is the key to freedom.
One thing you can expect from me is not to be predictable.
Better not to expect anything at all.
This is the very reason I am not confined to the realm of themes and niches in my writing.
I am free to write about anything.
I don’t have a reference to context for anything. Life does not have reference to context for anything.
Today, you can be a believer, and tomorrow, you can throw all the idols in the drain and proclaim yourself an atheist.
Your thoughts might go on and on. In the direction of the winds of conditioning.
You go nowhere. Stay here.
Life should not be spent on the idea of living.
I don’t want to sacrifice my true calling to create something beautiful every day.
I don’t want to sacrifice the opportunity to participate in life instead of building concepts about life.
These writings are natural to me. The art that I do is natural to me. The videos that I make are natural to me.
Like every creation has an unmoving core. Spirituality is at the core of everything I do is natural to me.
I want to be true to it. No matter how radical the steps I must take, no matter how conservative the efforts I have to make.
Whatever it takes.
My family thinks I am crazy.
I have bills to pay, EMI to repay and put food on the table, and yet I type these words that barely mean anything to the ongoing currents of life.
In my experience, these superficial problems are going to exist with or without you.
Participation in it is a waste of time. It is a victim mentality.
I don’t want to give myself a reason not to pursue my dreams and desires, only because some person sitting in a call centre wants me to pay my EMI.
It’s an easy way out.
The obligations to the logistics of life can wait or be left unattended to some degree.
Life should not wait or be left unattended.
Now, you might be thinking that the obligations are part of life, and I am denying participation in it.
NO.
The obligations are part of life, and I am keeping them part of living, not making it life itself.
I have seen people spend all their lives thinking that obligations in life are the real purpose of life.
Most of them find themselves unfulfilled, unsatisfied and even guilty towards the end of their lives.
There has to be a balance. Between what needs to be done and what needs to happen.
You need to put the bread on the table, do it.
You need to let the beautiful things happen in life, let them happen.
Love. Creation. Meditation.
Life is a true celebration if you find a way to earn a living doing what you love.
All my life so far has been an attempt to do so.
No matter how lost I might look right now, I have found myself in every moment of it,
It might look like a failed attempt, but in reality, there is no attempt.
It is just being. Doing what the inner core urges you to do.
Honour the calling. Let things happen.
What is in front of you is the most important thing in the world.
Everything else doesn’t exist, except in your mind.
What’s happening in front of you is a miracle.
I get to solve problems instead of making life a problem.
For me, the reward of solving mundane problems of life is to get to do what is true to me.
I don’t exchange the solutions to mediocre problems for a mediocre life.
I channelise the energy to excellence.
Sometimes that is greater than me, better than I.
I get to do what I want to do and not what I need to do.
I am building a foundation I am proud of.
I don’t know how long it will take for me to be able to do full-time living out of writing.
But at some moment in life, I want to reflect on these words and feel proud about them.
Proud that I stayed true to myself in the moment of storms of uncertainty.
Proud that there is an array of work that supports me and my life.
Something to fall back on and something to bounce off from.
A Mecca of possibilities and opportunities for what works for me, and not what I work for.
A representation of who I am and an exhibition of my fragility.
An open invitation for you to connect.
A welcoming space to empathise with the world.
As a soul experiences the world in this human body.
I am paying the price to be honest.
History has not been kind to people who stand in their truth.
I bear with it. It is better than standing in your own way.
I am also honest about not being honest. I am loyal to my experience of life.
I am not dragging myself into the rat race of job, marriage and children.
I might be missing out on the trends of society, but they keep on changing.
How long will you run behind something that is constantly moving?
It is not a fair game. You aim for something, and the target is moved when your arrow leaves the bow.
I have given up on the chase.
It can be misunderstood as being given up on life itself.
But that is not the case. Life goes on. And you live to live it.
If you remain present in the moment and are available to life, even in the middle of the battlefield, you have won the most significant battle in life.
You have learned to live and not merely survive.
You cannot become what you want if you are too attached to what you have been.
If the degree and values are bondage for you to be stuck in a situation that does not serve your higher purpose, they are a hurdle in life.
The hurdle that you have created and only you can diminish.
People postpone life. Someday, I will start my dream company. Someday, I will paint, I will write or do the things I truly desire and love to do.
Someday is today. It is better to start than to dream.
Aren’t we supposed to be happy? Isn’t that the ultimate goal of life?
I feel happy to live my dream of waking up every day and being able to write.
Everything else will fall into place on its own accord.
I know this for sure, because it has always had.
You are alive reading this, and it is a miracle. Life must have brought you to a point of halt so many times.
So many times you thought that this was over, and nothing worked out?
And yet you came out of the situation to win and shine.
Every problem in existence comes with the seed of a solution within.
It is not prolonging life only because you have a problem.
Psychological, Physical or Financial.
Keep walking towards yourself.
I see life moving in cycles and patterns.
I have left the surface of this cycle where everything moves so fast.
The earth is spinning, and yet she spills nothing. She draws everything inside.
Everything in your life is in turmoil, and the natural course of your energy is to draw within.
I have found solace in the unmoving centre.
There are cyclones and storms, and earthquakes on the surface.
I am untouched.
I have broken the patterns and rerouted from the cycles.
In the womb of my being, nothing touches me anymore.
Everything I need is taken care of.
It feels like I am born again and again. I am yet to be born into the world of superficiality.
I love the barefoot walk in the garden and watering the trees.
I love to type words into the computer and draw nudes in my sketchbook.
I do what I love, without waiting to get old and retire.
I am ready to spend myself to live the life. A life lived without sacrifice.
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Originally published at https://satyajett.blog on April 20, 2025.