CRUX OF MODERN FAMILY, SOCIETY AND COMMUNITY

We have seen our parents growing up

I grew up with an alcoholic father which depredated my mother’s mental health.

My father passed away 8 months ago. He had the Liver disease.

I am staying with my mother to support her.

She is perfectly fine now. Has a lot of friends and a large social circle.

I love both of them.

Despite the disparities, they gave me love and provided whatever was possible and needed.

I have seen my parents struggle to keep the family together.

We have seen them growing up, as we were growing up with them.

They were as naive as we are when they started the experiment called family.

Everybody makes mistakes and so do our parents.

Mistakes make us human. Allow them to happen, without getting caught in thoughts of perfection and picture-perfect family.

It is not a wise choice to drag those memories to your current situation.

It is a hindrance to the flow of what you are up to right now.

Why let the event that has passed cause you emotional distress in this present moment?

It is not happening right now.

Being in the present moment you are free from the past and future.

Past and future are fantasies. They happen in your imagination.

Present is reality. Be present to the present moment.

---

This might seem like a personal story. It is, but in many senses, it is the story of every child that is born.

We go through a lot in life, as a child as an adult and carry those emotional baggage.

But that doesn’t mean we have to recreate past experiences in our minds.

All families are dysfunctional.

The foundation of the term family is dysfunctional.

We did not evolve to be in family. We evolved as a tribe and community.

The Industrial Revolution split tribes into joint families and joint families into unique units.

These days many prefer to be single parents too.

Dissociation.

Hence the overall project of marriage, raising kids and having a family is experimental.

No matter how much we personalise our experience of family, there is an eccentric need for humans to be social animals.

Fringes of the evolutionary path we took that still overrides the revolution.

We feel lonely and have become more resentful towards our parents in general.

Why?

Because we need someone to blame. For our loneliness and feeling of lack of support.

Parents are the easy target for children and children are the easy target for the Parents.

They are born out of each other as a relationship.

But there are ways to be happy, which are less explored because we put ourselves into the habit of swiping complex emotions into the dark corners of our minds.

Emotions which surface in the moment of silence.

Hence we run away from the Silence. It is unbearable.

Because it forces us to face ourselves.

Said so, we will belong to the world, if not the community — if we belong to ourselves first.

I was lucky to have the right people at the right time in my life, which pointed me to teachings, books and thoughts that helped me recognise the communal aspect of our being.

Family is an aloof community.

We as humans can operate better in a community rather than the modern concept of family.

My nephew suddenly becomes playful and engages with other kids in the garden, whereas, he can be a troublemaker in the house.

We might have forgotten our ways to be in the community, but we haven’t forgotten that we belong in a community.

And there is a healthy way we can operate in a community without feeling lost, overwhelmed or burned out.

Keep aside the biases

The very existence of our physical form is dependent.

Even a hermit meditating in the deep valley needs someone to bring food for them.

The body is a slave to the mundane life. It needs shelter, food and clothes.

Our relationship with the world can be more than astute.

The disruptions of the Tribe can be channelised into a communal experience.

Be open.

Have friends from all walks of life.

A community is not a community if it lacks diversity.

It needs engineers, it needs artists and people from all areas of study.

The nature of the community is vibrant.

Having only one kind in them will make them boring and more susceptible to external targets.

Diverse and Vibrant together, it is complete and strong.

It builds a support system to defend itself and security to celebrate life.

A space where everyone can give his/her full participation, without being judged.

Alone not Lonely

Communal experience can be collective. But it begins with individualism.

You spend some time with yourself, incubate the ideas and share it with the community.

Community become a vehicle to share and spread your ideas.

It can be an individualist experience. And your individualism is the contribution to the community.

You become part of the community with integrity and self-consciousness.

With a sense of belonging to the self, navigating with this sense in the community makes you alone not lonely.

Aloneness has a purpose of being with self and part of the community as well, whereas loneliness is the lack of someone and something.

You alone have what you have. Unique.

Start with yourself, be with yourself.

Let your presence be available for others to have a healthy relationship with the community and society.

Be Selfish and Forgive

It can be your parents or friends. We suffer in relationships.

You have to decide whether you want to suffer or not.

Forgive.

Be selfish and forgive.

Not for the sake of others but for the sake of yourself.

Be selfish to forgive others, so that you are free from the bondage of external circumstances.

To be selfish is to be with yourself, no matter what is happening in the external world.

Let it not control you.

Watch the drama of life with a sense of detachment.

Joke about it.

Laugh, Forgive and Forget.

It will take the illusory burden off your shoulders.

A burden that feels real and hurts a lot. But it is nothing when you look at it from a sense of detachment.

---

This sense of detachment and zest to participate has saved me from disappointments, expectations and convolutions.

I am part of communities online and offline which encompass a wide range of people and personalities; from every walk of life.

I am detached from it, yet it is an integral part of my life.

---

Ready for a richer, more diverse journey? Dive deeper into spirituality, wildlife, fashion, and creativity. Subscribe to my Substack newsletter for exclusive content that explores the intersections of these captivating realms. Join the community — subscribe now!